Some Sweet Revenge
by Alenan
Summary: Hayden McClaine is not a girl to be hated or despised. She is someone whose vulnerability was exposed and driven insane by her desires. This is a one shot detailing Hayden's story during the first season.


"I'll wait. Forever if I have to."

These words echoed through her head endlessly tormenting her already warped mind. Hayden wasn't used to being rejected. Ben had left her, Tate pushed her away. Hell, even a true death was denied her. She was stuck here, in the home she had once entertained fantasies about sharing with Ben and their baby after he kicked that bitch Vivien to the curb. But instead, Hayden found herself kicked to the curb with a shovel slammed in her face. She was stuck watching a marriage she would never have, a happy family she would never be a part of.

At first, it wasn't a big deal. She could avoid the Harmon's and drown her sorrows in whatever alcohol she could find and appease her loneliness in a few of the houses' spectral inhabitants. Even her anger could be taken out on them; they were dead, after all. It wouldn't hurt them. Much.

Lately, though, it was getting harder. Harder to deal with all the emotions that ran through her body. Hayden was angry, she was hurt, she was lonely. Most of all, she was confused. Had their relationship meant nothing? Was she not good enough? She constantly replayed memories of them of a time when it wasn't all just shit and wonder where she went wrong.

* * *

From the moment he stepped into the classroom, Hayden felt it. An invisible tether drawing her towards the man that was now smiling at the college students and introducing himself. Dr. Ben Harmon. She had never been a believer in love, much less at first sight, but at that moment, when his eyes met hers for the first time, she could almost swear that that's what it was. She sat in an unusual (at least for her) stony silence through that first class period trying to get her feeling in check. Inappropriate, she told herself. Too old, as well. Never the less, she couldn't stop herself from introducing herself after they were dismissed.

"Dr. Harmon? Hayden McClaine," she said as she stuck out her hand for him to shake. "You're brilliant, I must say." And he was. What she had heard of his lecture gave a whole new perspective to the world of psychology as she saw it. It was then she noticed the wedding ring. Her hand still in his, she tensed momentarily before drawing her hand back. Off limits. But that didn't erase the feelings she had. The pull she felt towards him. And that was it. She was hooked.

Ben took a sip of his beer at their small table in the bar. "God, I miss college. Enjoy it before real life comes and knocks you on your ass," he warned her.

She smiled. "Do you wanna talk about it?" She was so hoping he would. It could help her to get an in with him. No matter that he could be talking about anything and she would love it. The sound of his voice sent shivers down her spine.

He gave a firm, "No. I don't," and then took another sip of his beer.

She looked away still smiling and followed his action. He could just be so cute sometime. She wasn't sure what to talk about next. What did you talk about with your professor when you asked him to a bar?

Looking sadly at his drink, he stated, "I miss beer. Vivien hates it when I drink. Especially beer."

"I like beer."

"Hmm. There you go," he said gesturing towards her.

"Can I confess something to you?" she asked, a small smile playing on her lips.

"I think the smart answer would have to be no," he replied.

Hayden could tell that he was curious, though. She knew he understood what all this was about. They were on the same page. "I'm not really confused about interpersonal aggression."

"You're not?" he asked, leaning on the table. It came out more as a statement, rather than a question, at least to her ears.

She shook her head no.

"That's a shame because I can tell you a lot about interpersonal aggression." He begins laughing, obviously having had too much to drink. "My marriage, for one thing. Not in a happy place right now."

"See? You do wanna talk about it," she pointed out.

"I don't. I just wanna- I just wanna drink and get drunk…and stumble home on the T." He took another drink after denying what she said.

She looked away and then back at him with a playful look. "The thing is, Dr. Harmon.—I have a crush on you."

He chuckled to himself. "That's a bad move. Seriously. I mean…You're gonna have so many men in your life."

"What does that mean?" She laughed a little while shaking her head. She knew he didn't mean it as it came out.

"It means you're a knockout." They both paused and looked at each other. He continued. "You're smart as hell."

"Is hell smart?" she teased.

That was the first night they slept together. They stayed at the bar for about another hour, talking and laughing. Sometimes, they would even share a touch. Something small like the brush of a hand. There were longing looks. So many, especially from her end. She was acting like a school girl with a crush, but that's exactly what she was. It was more than that, she told herself. So much more.

They went to her apartment. It wasn't far from the bar; that's why she had chosen that one. She hadn't entirely expected this would happen, but she had hoped it would. They hadn't even spoken about it. They just fell into step when he suggested they leave. He didn't mention it as he walked her to her apartment, or followed her up, or even when she invited him in. They didn't talk at all.

His hands grabbed for her the second she had closed the door. He initiated it, but she returned in kind. Their clothes didn't last long, but led a trail to her bedroom. Their bodies molded together as if they were a statue carved that way. They fit perfectly together. That was when she swore he would be hers, entirely. That was when she looked into the night sky outside her window after Ben had fallen asleep and saw their names written in the sky.

* * *

Hayden was happy for a while. She knew he was still married, but she didn't care. Ben loved her; he told her so all the time. Not just in words, but through the looks he would give her during class. The way he said her name when he called on her to answer his question. The way he touched when they were alone. It all led her to the conclusion that he loved her. She, of course, knew that she loved him. Eventually, he would leave his wife for her and they could be together in the open instead of hiding.

Most of their dates consisted of her apartment and little to no clothes. She wanted more. Demanded it. He wouldn't budge though. He insisted they remain a secret. That was when she bombarded him at his home and they consummated their love in his bed. It was perfect. Absolutely perfect. She was closer than ever to becoming the new Mrs. Harmon. Then Vivien ruined it.

* * *

The second Hayden saw the plus sign on the test, she knew her life was about to change. It already had, of course, but she knew that this was different. She had another life to worry about now. Ben had already left her. He told her that they were done and he needed to focus on his marriage and family now. That wasn't true, though; he was just feeling guilty and when she told him about his baby that was growing inside her, he would come back. When he did, they would be a family. They would have a chance again.

It took her days to get enough courage to call him. The last time they had spoken, Ben had told her never to contact him again. Surely he didn't mean that. He couldn't. He had told her that he loved her; he would want to talk to her.

It was difficult to get a hold of him. He either rejected her calls or let it go to voicemail. That didn't deter her. Hayden kept trying. When he finally answered and began berating her, the only words she told Ben were, "I'm pregnant."

* * *

Hayden poured the wine into the glasses and turned as Ben picked up his cell phone. With a glance at her, he set it back on the coffee table.

"Thank you, Ben," she said as she curled up on the sofa next to him and handed him the glass. "Just till its over."

Somber, he replied, "I understand. It's the least I can do. We are on a desert island."

_Damn right_, she thought. Hayden was happy he had come, but she knew the reason he was here. He wanted her to get rid of it so he could be done with her. That just wouldn't do. She would go along with his plan for now, and she could back out later. It would be okay.

"I'm over us, you know?" she lied, as he took a sip of the drink. It was somewhat reminiscent of their first night together outside of the classroom. She knew she would never be over them just as much as she knew that Ben wouldn't either. But she had to play along for now. "I mean, what's it say about me? Sleeping with a married guy, my teacher? Could I be more textbook?" Trying to make it sound like she was somewhat disgusted with herself, she glanced away as if ashamed. "It's not who I want to be anymore," she continued looking back at him to gauge his reaction. "I just need your support right now."

"You got it," he replied simply.

"When I imagine lying there on that table tomorrow morning, it's just so sad. Our baby." She wondered if she were laying it on to thick, but quickly tried to lighten the mood. "Wasn't meant to be."

Ben held up his glass in toast. "To you, Hayden, for handling this with grace and maturity." Their glasses clicked together and they both drank. "Um, listen, to, uh, be clear, I'm gonna…I'm gonna sleep on the couch tonight."

She smiled. "I just need you till it's over. Then you go back to Saint Vivien, and I got back to Personality Theory and Psychopathology," she teased.

"Not so bad," he chuckled.

She agreed and then was distracted by the doorbell. "Pizza! Yay!" They could eat, drink, laugh and talk, and eventually, he would come to bed with her. She had only barely grabbed her purse to pay the delivery man when she turned back to see Ben on his phone again.

"Are you kidding me?"

"I-I just need to check this…"

"I'm sorry. Am I in a time warp," she said interrupting his excuse. "Did I not just two seconds ago hear you say no calls? Give me your phone," she demanded, holding out her hand as he stood up and crossed the room towards her.

"Hayden, no," he said in a stern tone as she began crying.

This wasn't going as she planned. He was supposed to come up here and be with her and forget about his family. They were supposed to be a family. Her crying increased to sobs as he pulled her into a comforting hug.

"Come on, come on. Take it easy, take it easy. It's okay."

Her arms wrapped around him like a vice and the shell of disinterest crumbled. "All I ever wanted was for you to love me."

He seemed to ignore that statement. "Look, look. No more calls. No more calls." She felt something drop into the purse on her shoulder and assumed it to be his phone. That was _much_ better.

* * *

It felt good to finally be able to tell Marla off. The bitch had been begging for money for so long. Didn't matter now, though. Hayden was dead. She had no more money. No more baby. Nothing to offer Ben except her love. Now it would be eternal.

"You've got about ten second to give me some answer before I call that detective back and have you arrested for assaulting my family," he said, completely furious.

She took a deep breath before beginning. "I'm-I'm sorry, Ben. I was pregnant, scared, and hormonal. I was a crazy bitch when I came here on Halloween. I deserve whatever punishment you think is right." She paused and looked at him. "Ben, this whole thing has been so ugly. It's not me. It's not how I want you to think of me. I don't know if we have a future together, but I've always been there for you. From the beginning. I just want you to remember that." She began walking away, but then turned back at the last second. "By the way, I had the abortion. You don't have to worry about it anymore," she lied. No need to scare him with the truth. Yet.

Hayden missed him. So much it hurt. She didn't think she should be able to feel anymore, but she could. Sometimes, she could swear she could feel her baby, but it was just her imagination. Just herself going insane. The only thing she knew was that she needed to fix her relationship with Ben. They could fix it and be happy again. She knew they could. She appeared silently behind him in the gazebo, right above where her body rotted in the ground.

He was just standing there, staring at the distance.

* * *

"It was written in the stars," she began. He turned at the sound of her voice. "I was meant to take your class right at the moment your marriage imploded. You needed me, Ben."

"I did," he agreed. "I did need you." She smiled slightly before he continued. "But I shouldn't have crossed the line."

"Ben…"

He interrupted. "I abused my authority."

She jumped off the gazebo railing where she had been sitting and walked over to him. "I was a consenting adult. I still am." She got closer and reached for his face, hoping they could pick up where they left off. The spark was still there. Her hand hadn't even touched his face but for just a second when he pulled her off of him.

"Hayden, please, listen to me," he asked softly. "My marriage was a mess when we met."

"And now? It's even worse, Ben," she said incredulously.

"You're right," he agreed, "It's bad. It's really bad. But here's the thing, Hayden and I hope you understand this—we weren't written in the stars. We're not meant to be together. Not then, not now. Not six months from now…"

"Ben," she interrupts, trying to stop what she knew was coming. It wasn't supposed to be this way. They were meant to be. Soul mates.

"I was lonely, I was heartbroken and I used you. It was unforgivable and I'm sorry. But no matter what happens with my wife, I _can'_t be with you."

Her eyes filled with tears as his words sunk in. No. She wanted to stop him there. She couldn't hear what he was about to say.

"I don't love you, Hayden. I'm sorry. I never did."

"You don't love me?" she asked, broken. Then, she got more serious. "You don't love me," she stated repeating the fact to get it through her head. It didn't make sense. She glanced away, wanting to look anywhere but his face. That was when the first of many tears fell.

Then she realized what she had to do. "Okay." She put a slight smile on her face, only barely hinting at what was underneath the surface. She glanced back at him hopefully. "Could I have a hug?"

Ben returns her smile, seemingly glad she was giving up this easily. As if. "Of course." He pulled her into him and she willingly went. It wasn't even a second before she pressed her lips against his in what was her attempt to make him realize their bond. He kissed her back for a few magically seconds that seemed to stretch on forever to her. And then he pulled away.

"Hayden, come on. It's over. You can't just hang around here."

She was confused so she responded in the only way she knew how: by getting irritated. "I'm not just hanging around here. I came for a reason." She blinked a few times as if remembering what she wanted to tell him. She looked away and added, "When it concerns you're family, you have a right now know."

"What are you talking about?" Ben asked.

"Vivien and that black guy, you know, in the uniform. I came around here the other morning and he was leaving. Who knows how long it's been going on? Just thought you should know." She turned and walked away, leaving him to process her lie.

* * *

Everything Hayden tried had failed. She tried to get them a baby, but it was stolen from her. She tried to get rid of his wife, but didn't succeed. Now Vivien would be stuck here forever, and Ben would get to leave with the baby. That just wouldn't do.

"Where are you going, Ben?" she asked. His bag was packed and he had the baby with him. The stairs made for the perfect dramatic setting. She knew she appeared crazed, but was beyond caring. "You didn't think I'd just let you leave?" He had to of known that this was coming. That this was the only way it could end and they could finally be together.

"Get out of my way, Hayden," Ben commanded. "I don't have time for your bullshit." He hadn't even finished the word when the rope wrapped around his neck. He instantly dropped the bad and the baby carrier as he was pulled backwards. He struggled as the man held him and the woman threw the rope around the chandelier. Hayden hadn't even bothered learning their names. She was just using them, and they wanted a death. Simple as that.

He continued struggling, realizing what was happening. That didn't make a difference though. Soon, they were finished and he was jerking in the air. She made sure the last thing he saw was her. "Now we have all the time in the world."

Perhaps she had reacted too harshly in his death, but she needed him here with her. At least, she thought she did. Hayden wasn't sure about that anymore. It was hell watching the Harmon's have a good time, closer as a family than they had ever been before. She stood in the shadows with Tate, another person who had rejected her. A shudder ran through her body as she watched Vivien kiss him.

Her expression betraying fury, she spoke to Tate. "Grow a pair, Rimbaud. She's not into you. You're not getting back into her. She'll never talk to you again." Though she spoke these words to him, it was her trying to convince herself about Ben.

"I'll wait. Forever if I have to," was his only response.

Those words stuck in her heart. Hayden may not have the baby, or the family, or the happiness, but she had time. She wasn't necessarily patient, but she could afford to wait. Her psyche was shattered beyond repair. Whose wasn't in this house, though? She could bide her time well, and eventually, she would be the one in Vivien's place. She would have a family again. She could be whole. After all, their names were written in the stars.


End file.
